On being boring

04 May, 2024

I really dislike (read: hate) when someone tells me they’re boring for different reasons:

1. I instinctively imagine how many times they’ve been told by someone else.

2. I wonder how many times they’ve convinced themselves to believe it.

I then start to think of how to make them see the other side of the world, which is that being boring is just a matter of interests — if your interest(s) doesn’t align with mine, we’ll not get along well.

The first — and last — time I played Truth or Dare was in 2017. I’d always avoided the game for very obvious reasons and when it turned out I wasn’t "mature" enough, one of the guys blurted out that I was forming. Nothing about this was new, so it was easy to ignore. However, I understood that we just had different interests, so it was natural for us to not have similar experiences.

Here’s what my day typically looks like:

You’ll hardly see me outside the house, talk more of seeing me in socially defined-as-fun places. When I do go out, I’m more of a beach, cinema and restaurant person, but that happens less than 5 times in a month.

Yet, I’ve never told anyone that I was boring. The thing, though, is that I can adapt to conversations and I’m curious enough to ask questions about interests I’m not familiar with. In my opinion, that’s enough to be interesting regardless of the conversation because most people live for nerding out on someone who’s a layman in subjects they’re experts in or passionate about.

The other thing I’ve noticed is communicating in full during conversations. We clamour for this in our workplaces but it applies to personal relationships, too — if there’s context to be shared, do so without waiting for the other person to ask. Not only does it make the conversation flow, it makes it longer, too. It’s like arming someone with the ammunition (read: words) they need.

If they’re as interested in the conversation as you are, more details from you means more details from them, which makes the conversation interesting. For example, more details mean sharing a tweet that aligns with the convo. Sharing a TikTok video to explain something better. Sharing an article or a meme. Using examples or sharing how you feel about a book/movie/person/yourself beyond the basics.

The problem, in my opinion, is the lack of attention and the poor belief that we need to have "something" to say to keep a conversation alive. It's not that we don't have things to say, like we so easily and conveniently claim — we're just not curious enough about this person, place, or topic. And while that’s fine, there seems to be this widespread disdain for giving less time than necessary to people/place/topic we’re not interested in.

This isn’t just about the guy you didn’t give your phone number, or the girl you ghosted. That book you complain about its plot but keep reading just for the sake of finishing it. Building mansions in talking stages for months, even though it’s clear the feelings aren’t mutual. Or staying in a relationship, even though the interest has died.

Having something to say mainly comes from listening, not from having an “interesting” set of activities because conversations aren’t a battle ground where you weigh calendars.